By Hannah Giles

From a freedom-loving perspective, it appears President Obama has the economic sense of a six-year-old child. Obama and his faithful administration are taking heat as of late due to their mismanagement of the American economy. This brings up their latest scheme, the American Clean Energy and Security Act, which imposes a tax on farts.

Numerous absurdities are included in this gargantuan 1000+ page bill, including a bovine flatulent tax. Translation: farmers will be charged MONEY when their cows engage in chemical warfare.

The cow farting problem and the way it contributes to pollution is no secret, but people generally laugh it off as a trivial matter. Not so much anymore. The more farting going on, the more money the government will take.

It is estimated that cows emit anywhere from 26 to 132 gallons of methane daily, which is a level that competes with the average methane discharge from cars. Methane is one of the many identified evils in the global warming fanatic world. Environmentalists have made the agricultural community their demolition project and are advocating worldwide vegetarianism; all for the sake of reducing methane production.

The Stop Cow Farting Crew seldom gets very far when advocating a complete overhaul in people’s diets, because methane is a naturally occurring nontoxic gas, and thus far humans have lived with it and have been able to manipulate it without harming the surrounding environment. But little by little the crazed environmentalists are accomplishing their goals.

According to the American Clean Energy and Security Act, the only way to live with the cows and their methane toots is to tax the already suffering cattle and dairy farmers.

This provision in the bill hardly seems fair for farmers. If the government is so concerned about methane problems and boosting the economy, why not encourage people to eat more red meat? The more meat people buy the more regulated cow farms/populations become, and the more money is pumped into the economy.

Of course that would bring up some major glitches for the present administration. The Hindu communities may be offended; PETA and other like-minded activists would feel forced into a state of animal injustice delirium; it would fuel unwanted nagging from vegetarian friends and family; and it would prove that private enterprise does work.

So scratch that idea, it would obviously inconvenience and shame too many loyal liberal crusaders.

Sadly, it looks as if farmers must comply with Obama’s demands. But why stop with the cows? Everyone and everything is guilty of methane emission, granted some more than others. But there are specific industries that promote such vile and obvious harm to the earth.

Take the pharmaceutical companies, for example: they sell laxatives. Laxatives encourage people to release abnormal amounts of methane. Thus, pharmaceutical companies should be punished for ever selling laxatives and future use and sale of laxatives should be banned.

Oh, tea and coffee ought to be widely protested, along with any place producing and serving them. Their morning methane freeing stance is no secret, and the earth does not have to stand for such selfish indulgences at the price of her melting ozone.

Also, Mexican food has the reputation for boosting digestive activity. Everyone knows what happens after digestion is complete. Therefore, Mexican food and any facility serving black beans should heretofore be banned. Mexicans are not banned, just their food.

It is actually no wonder Obama is such an abortion advocate: Babies cannot control their excretion of methane. All babies really are methane producing machines. In fact, babies are on the forefront of the methane war against the ozone. The solution: Get rid of as many babies as possible before they have the chance to threaten the atmosphere.

The ban on all products conducive to methane discharge might appear far-fetched or even downright absurd. But what is more bizarre is the fact that there is a $864 million, 1000+ page unread spending bill that got through the House of Representatives and is now floating around the Senate, and in that bill there is a fart fee.

Citizens of America, it must be handed to Obama and his administration. They are being incredibly proactive with their social responsibilities. Since the people elected them into office, they have acted with rapid urgency in an effort to define freedoms, limit choices, infringe laws and question independence.

The provision for a bovine flatulent tax in the American Clean Energy and Security Act is step one to ensuring a better, more constipated America. Changing it from an America that was once free, creative, innovative, powerful, liberating, opportune, glorious and happy and turning it into a slow, grumbling, dull, selfish and miserable place that forever remembers what it once was and has no hope for what it could be.

COPYRIGHT 2009 THE ROGUE REPORT

By John M. Rogitz

California has some of the most fertile, productive soil in the entire country. We are the largest producer of domestic agricultural products and we’re also the leading exporter. Needless to say, that accounts for a significant portion of California’s job market. Yet right now California’s fertile San Joaquin Valley, where all those lovely products are grown, is being parched to death by environmentalist efforts to save the California delta smelt population, a fish no more than 2 inches long.

As a result, central California has been turned into a virtual dust bowl. Farms cannot operate without water from the deltas, and the ones that can aren’t doing so at full capacity. Unemployment in California’s central region has hit an astonishing 40%, one of the highest rates in the country. So you can go ahead and add rising food prices to the massive inflation we are already facing in the near future. How do you feel about getting more of your fruits and vegetables from China and South America rather than the USA, where we have quality control measures in place?

There are two different water projects filtering water down the San Joaquin Valley – a federally operated project and a state operated one. At the beginning of June, a Federal judge had to order an injunction to save what was left of California’s crops after the US Fish and Wildlife Service began drastically restricting flow coming from the Federal delta pumps. The USFWS did so to protect these little two inch minnows, who were placed on the endangered species list because their numbers are dwindling to abysmal numbers as they wash out on California’s crops and get stuck in the filters.

So the obvious question is: Who cares? I sure don’t. The delta smelt are unique to California’s delta and serve absolutely no purpose. Well, not to rational human beings at least. The environmentalists made a much attenuated claim in court, claiming other fish are affected down the line, which eventually affect salmon populations, which eventually affect killer whale breeding. No joke, that is actually their claim.

Let’s put all these incoherent scientific studies the environmentalists cite but I cannot find aside for a moment. Let’s use a bit of logic instead. We all understand how the food chain works, or at least those of us who were not educated in the California public school system like the environmentalists. Salmon are teeming up and down the Pacific from California to Alaska and out to Japan, and we’re supposed to believe that a few delta smelt 100 miles inland are going to affect their population to any sort of measurable degree? And last I checked, those killer whales eat more than just salmon, including a grey whale they took out in Monterey Bay, California, a while back. Those predators got their name for a reason. They’ll be fine.

In helping to get the injunction opening the faucets again, Pacific Legal Foundation made the astute observation that the only way the Feds could protect the delta smelt population was if they had some effect on interstate commerce. If they do not impact interstate commerce, then the Fed’s action is an unconstitutional infringement on state’s rights…not that that seems to matter much these days. Regardless, they don’t affect interstate commerce. The smelt don’t do anything for commerce, except that right now they are hindering it by not allowing our famers to produce cheap food.

Yet that’s the environmentalist argument. I’m not saying we should recklessly disregard all life that gets in our way, but come on people. Not all animal life is worth protecting, regardless of what PETA may be telling President Obama about swatting flies. You want a food-chain argument? I’m at the top of the food chain. God made it that way, not me. That’s as freakin’ natural as it gets baby. It’s us or the smelt.

But the battle continues. Water still is not flowing at full capacity despite the Federal injunction. The injunction just turned some of the pipes back on when they were completely off. There is further talk in the California legislature to cut back flow on the state pumps. Unfortunately, the Report couldn’t find any specific numbers on the California Department of Water website disclosing what capacity the Federal and state deltas are flowing at right now. Go figure.

Whatever rate it happens to be flowing at until the next injunction one way or the other, it must be pretty low for the Governator to ask President Obama in a June 19 letter to declare Fresno a major disaster area. Arnold listed the lack of water flow down the delta as a major factor in his appeal to the Federal government.

But I’m sure everything will be ok. No reason to give the word to turn on the spigot during the productive California summer months when we have abundant amounts of sunlight. Let’s let Interior Secretary Ken Salazar hold some town hall meetings while unemployment rises along with food prices. You can go voice your concerns yourself this Sunday in Fresno. That’s got to be a better solution. I wonder if raising taxes would help too.

COPYRIGHT 2009 JOHN M. ROGITZ

By John M. Rogitz

We were right to go in to Iraq and dethrone Saddam Hussein. President Bush was right, Cheney was right, Rove was right, the right was right. You might be wondering what this has to do with today. Two words: North Korea.

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This quote by Reagan is timeless. Think about it in terms of American military action in the Middle East and radial Islam’s yearning to spread their religion by the sword while killing all the infidels.

“The men of Normandy had faith that what they were doing was right, faith that they fought for all humanity, faith that a just God would grant them mercy on this beachhead or on the next. It was the deep knowledge — and pray God we have not lost it — that there is a profound, moral difference between the use of force for liberation and the use of force for conquest. You were here to liberate, not to conquer, and so you and those others did not doubt your cause. And you were right not to doubt.”

By John M. Rogitz

Is anyone else getting tired of these protests against Proposition 8? Look, lots of people were on the losing side of that democratic battle, just as I was on the losing side of the presidential election. My own libertarian inclinations aside, it’s time California started accepting that Prop 8 is here to stay.

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